I lost the feelings I had
Waiting for the break of day
I was wondering what I could have done
Or what I could have said
No words,  no sign
You thought of me in all that time
You just were not there
It’s like you didn’t care
All the time we spent
I thought you were God sent
In the end, it seemed
The love just wasn’t there
Did you care?
Really care?
Or just killing time with me
Because I was there?

An Original Poem by H.R Beebe

You touched my very soul
It’s not the world I used to know
Sometimes, it gets so hard to see
Where to go or what I need

Trying hard every day
Sometimes, I don’t know what to say
Life’s been hard for so long
The sun’s just come , now it’s gone

I climbed so far just to fall
But I knew it all along
To reach the things we want to be
Sometimes, you live with misery

Searching things that might not be
I’m not who I used to be
Where youth has gone an old man treads
No fear is left, just truth to dread

Cycles time through histories span
Come around until you grasp
The things the world is showing you
Then you start the cycle anew

I’m not who I used to be
That man’s no longer me
In the moment, I have seen
What is possible if you believe

You touched my very soul
It’s not the world I used to know
Sometimes, it gets so hard to see
Where to go or what I need
Where to go or what I need
Where to go or what I need

An Original Song By H.R. Beebe

In the dark recesses, we contemplate
If our needs take precedence over
The greater sceme of things
Do our feelings really matter
Or should it be simply kept in silence
Should we try to share the real us
The actual views
As we walk to Minefield of a relationship
Simply to try and receive the things
We have never had
Caring
Giving
The experience of spontaneous love
Ridicule,  seems the response
As ego is blamed for desire
As narcissistic intent is weaponized to silence  your words….
Your dreams
The vitriol of rhetoric  meant to demean
Trivialize
Minimize you
Using the word childish to describe
Your deepest craving
As you try to tread the dark sea of uncertainty
To weather the bitter gale
Hoping beyond hope
That this time will be different
This time, the sun will actually rise
Renewing the broken heart
To heal your desperate spirit
That love will be the balm
Saving your embattled
Soul

An Original Poem by H.R Beebe

Dark memories
Like a never-ending nightmare
Being woken… summoned
The steel cold realization
Fear of what lay before me
Urgency pushed us
To make haste
Knowing the inevitable
The curse
Has arrived to take its due
Cruel in it determination
A demon whose torment had been relentless
Ruthless in its conviction
To take a life
It came for her in the dead of night
At the devils hour
It struck an innocent
My pain made real
My mother had
Died

An Original Poem by H.R Beebe

Loneliness
A gapping hole
Telling in its raw intention
Showing me my inadequacies
In stark relief
A truth that couldn’t be denied
I was empty inside
Separated,  from another
From the world
As I chased mediocrity
The frivolity that was life
In a society of separation
A facade of connection
That was an illusion
When you sit each night staring at your cellphone
At the wall trying to give meaning
To a life, an existence that seemed totally random
Convincing yourself, you mattered
That you had options
Avenues toward happiness
Fulfillment
Hope
If love was a place, I missed it
If love is a reward, I was neglected
The real , the truth, if I were honest, is I searched for a shining gift
Yet , whenever I reach out for it
In the darkness of the cold void
I found my hand returning empty
The stark realization that others gloried dreams
Were my fruitless folly
A temporal maze
Decades in the trek
To reveal others’ tales
Were just that … stories
That in the end simply left me
Cold, alone
With my passing
Silence reigned
Not a soul marked it
No one was there
But , shadows of the expectations
Left as dead leaves laying on the ground
Remnants of a belief that remained
Unrealized

An Original Poem by H.R Beebe

A pain daily shared
As I worried my place
A child in the middle
Of Adults at war with their past fate
Parents attempting intoxicated escape
From their past
Haunted by loss
They each try to escape
Yet neither knew how
I was left to my own devices
To survive the fallout
As my symbols collapsed
In real time
Each trying to cope
With something they couldn’t face
The darkness manifested
Through alcohol and abuse
A man caught up in an emotion he couldn’t bear
A woman suffering from shame, regret, and blame
A child, standing alone
No understanding what he faced

Was left trying to survive another brutal day

An Original Poem by H.R Beebe

In a cruel twist of fate, I survived
As one inebriated, the other deteriorated
Both faced their personal demons
Before I even understood why
They hated themselves
And
Each other
Day after day facing the pain alone
In their agony
Reliving the experience over and over
As I struggled to comprehend my existence
I saw the devastation wrought
Of errors in judgment
That occurred in the before
I had taken a breath….
One loss
In the form of two
Perhaps it had been predestined
A conception of despair
Masquerading as hope
Only God knew the truth
Yet, He never told me
I was left to live in the wake
Of their mistakes..
Watching them pretend to be joyous
Pretending to care
My life was a cruel reminder
Foolish actions have inevitable consequences
I later learned
The secret that killed them both, one in the 80s
One many years after
Both faced the pain of the choices they had made
Leaving me to walk alone through this place of shadows and light
With the memory of two people who never reconciled their sins
Though they did their best, each facing the loss
Of their children alone
Yet existing in the same space
They were dying a little each day
Paying a price , perhaps, that was theirs to pay
Or perhaps , was simply an act of fate
That they were meant to share
I was left with the memory of the tragedy
To endure…to mourn all those souls
Alone…
Asking…
Why?

An Original Poem by H.R Beebe

Lost in the light
Stinging from the fight
Still angry at a friend
Though calm , it feels like a sin
Started the fight
Was I in the right
Laughing in the dark
Laughing in the light
It was all my fault
Though I feel alright
I won’t apologize
Because I was in the right
Won the debate
With a fist in his face
The truth had to sting
Almost as much as my ring
Might of lost my dignity
And a friend’s respect
But some things are worth the chaos
It seems that sometimes fate is hard to predict
You have to stand for something
Or your life means nothing
Sometimes, when you face the darkness alone
You just have to stand
The quiet honor of facing your accuser
Is its own reward
In the silence after the war is won
You have time to wonder if it was worth
The pain you had to endure
When you burned that bridge
Lived in the moment
And….
Lost a friend
To make a point
That right remains right
Regardless of how anyone feels about it

An Original Poem by H.R Beebe

Love…
Shadows of the illusion
As the facade hides the secret
The secret masks the truth hidden in the bits
In the image of my desprite desires
That though they feel real in my mind
My heart
Are simply dreams conjured in my head
As I gaze in the magick mirror of the internet
Portal of Wonder
Portal of lies
Hope springs from each text
The glamor of my need
Blinds my critical thinking
The loneliness is a reason
To believe
Even when the demon is obvious
To all who observe it
Still, it appears  beauty
To me..

An Original Poem by H.R Beebe

Hidden, the real you
Sheltered from cold indignation
The ego of others on display
Targeted weakness of the world
Leveraged against your innocence
That was bent of stealing your humanity
Dimming your light
In waves of hatred
And demonization
Bullying your true self
Robbing you of the spark of divinity
Designed to destroy your light
To make you resemble the darkness
That chokes the life out of the world
Until hope vanishes
Life becomes endless days of pain
And… your reality becomes hell
Leaving the innocence of your beginning
Unrecognizable in the end
As you stare into the mirror
At the thing you have become.

An Original Poem by H.R Beebe