Empty words with golden desire
Promised warmth marked cold motivation
Hollow platitudes , for self desire
Truth is in the verbal persuasion
Of Narcissistic need
Hidden among flowery language
And self-serving intent
Gone are the loving attitudes
Promises of future mental intimacy
Accusatory assault replaces warm expectations
The real monster rears its head
Shrugging off the masquerade of care
The mask of compassion
Revealing the true purpose
Fiduciary endeavor , the bitter pill
Money is the need
And, I but a means to an end
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
My Dark Fate: Each Moment Alone
Silence , louder than a gunshot
The pulse of emptiness, my constant companion
It’s the lonely heart that is maddening
As darkness becomes life
In contemplation of broken expectation
Repetitious moments of nothingness
As time stretches
Surety becomes insolence
Indifference a witness
Of events, yet material
The truth is a bitter pill
As promises become monotonous rout
In the face of steel cold expectation
Yet , never made real
Assurances ring hollow
As each grain of sand descends
Tick, tick, tick
Ringing like a gong in my brain
Though, in truth, passes in silence
A dream though held dear, yet in vain?
Once more, I’m left wanting… needing…
Believing in the shining contemplation
The image of the fortunate
Drunk on the wine of the amorous soul
Yet, betrayed by my foolish fate
Adrift on the questioning tide
Of Indifference
Each day I wake , pursuing a future
That exists in a flux on ambiguity
Like mists at dawn, fleeting
Ethereal
Unreal
Such is my witness
Each experience, flavorless
Unsubstantiated
Unrequited
Never reciprocated
I exist, survive the onslaught
Of inner demons
As they celebrate my misery
Cheer my pain
As the beauty I pursue seems oblivious
Of my tortured existence
My doubtful gaze
I suffer in silence
With baited breath
And hope against hope
My emotional wounds are self-inflicted
Rather than a Damocles blade
To strike my already broken and battered soul
Shattering a future yet written
A fate left undreamed.
An Original Poem By H.R. Beebe
A Momentary Kindness
The value of a heart
Transcendent dreams unfettered
By thoughts of mortality
Consideration of tomorrow
Alive with the moment
As newness reverberates
Through the fertile Spring
No question of choice or experience
Just action , taking the prize
With baited breath, silent anticipation
Taboo expectations accompany
Reckless abandon
Tomorrows, unthought of
The past a shadowed phantom
Adrift in realization of the now
The Secret agreed upon
Ecstatic occurrence in present relief
Emotions unconsidered
Consequences rendered moot
Tender darkness , the gift of fate
Wealth of uttered breath
Whispered thanks to no one
Warm the brief embrace
To ward against the bitter emptiness
Three shared the respite
Together, alone, cold the passage
Traveled in silence
Souls wept
Separated, by distance
Frozen in memory
Shared a moment , a kindness
Lost to the grave
The road less traveled
The time long passed
Nevermore experienced
In the end, nothing lasts
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Online Dreams : Lying Realities
So you hated, we dated
Online need you used
As a sign, you said
Your happiness is a paramount concern
Mine left unseen
We progressed, we saw
A desire for control ruled all
As time passed, you showed
The truth in a phrase, a curse
Photos a threat
Give me…. I need
Don’t make me
Take another act before it’s too late
Love, not present
Though you whispered your truth
Ice cold your lies
Reflected the words became weapons
Narcissistic shadows in a demented scene
Forcing the present, a future disease
Control a mission
Your betrayal a hidden reality
Fictional future
Empty house of dreams
Your words are poison
Your true thoughts are not of me
The old tune replayed
Melody is the same
The lie is not a new thing
Simply repetitious and replayed.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
A California Dream
A question left unanswered
As I see the way you do
Your words hollow as you go another way
I’m left out here hanging … just hanging in space
You see, you want what you want, demand what you need
Know what don’t you see? You dont see Me
An empty seat, I’m not present
A man alone.
Did you need me? Did you care?
Were there others who filled my place there?
Professed love left hanging, empty words
A means to an end
Wanted what you wanted
Im just a means to an end.
It’s funny how I believed
Guess I saw what I wanted to see
In the end, there may be others
To fill the place I wanted to be
Know who won’t be there to be filled with pain to see?
Me.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
The Model’s Gift
Here we go again
Darkness black as night
The things I hoped were real
Was it
Or just a lie?
My hopes my needs
Just shadows in relief
I thought it was love
Or was it just a mirage
fooling me
I hoped I prayed
Lost in my own tale
The truth was more blatant
The actual more real
She said the right things
I stupidly believed
For just a moment
I dared to have dreams
Touched … I felt it
I allowed the moment to be
In that instant It was made real
If only to me
Can I trust again
Could I open and be me
To let her know
The actual me?
It’s always been bad
To show them the truth
To step to the light
To let it be
Seen
The shield lowered
If only for a chance
But when it all came in focus
It was more darkness
It made no sense
Empty promises
Golden words lined with tin
Stolen chances
Pain
Again
In the end
What was left ?
Broken promises
And one standing alone
Me
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Emptiness: The Winter Darkly
Bleak the ever frost of my heart separates me
Divides me from humanity in ways I can’t yet fanthom or comprehend
Day by day, I fight to give to love to feel something..
Yet time and again words fail me, and I feel cold inside
Left bitter at the betrayal and disrespect empty
When I should have felt longing and regret
for those I lost, I felt nothing
Was it due to some trauma I endured, unaware of its effect on my psyche, my soul?
Or simply was I incapable of the full measure of love others possess?
The winter cold reflects the distance between my soul and the world
Alone in a crowd
Searching for a lifeline
Left staring into the dark mirror of my discontent
An ocean between my troubled heart and the world of light
Cast into a pit of my own experience
Left to ponder what bulwark that divides
Surrounded by beauty calling out to me
My hand stayed by that unseen force
That unkind gulf halting my chance
At normalcy
At redemption
Confounded by my own understanding
That splinter in my brain
Not just the lack
But, knowing that it stems from
A coldness perhaps I was bequeath
At birth, an inheritance of nothingness
That accompanies ones sure knowledge
Of their own humanity
And the sorrow , as you weep for your own fate
The feeling called love a spector
That to me never materializes
And so doesn’t exist at
All
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Snapshots, Moments and Memories
In the quiet of the night, I see her there
The beauty of her face calling me
Wanting me
Her eyes like jewels, the blue of the sky
Glimming bright and alive
I feel my heart warm as she beckoned me near
Her smile moved me.. her laugh was love
I saw her there in dreams calling to me as we shared an umbrella on a rainy spring day
Oh, how I wanted her as we were caught up in our youth…. in the moment
I snapped her picture, and there was no one else there, just me and her and the spring shower…
Locked in the moment
We loved in the moment
As we shared our youth
The moment
Ourselves
Alive together , we relished
Each other, for an instant, we were one
Closer than friends
Closer than lovers
We shared a bond of youth
A bond of life
A bond of experience
We may never cross paths again
But we experienced life in all its many
Facets, colors, feeling
A marriage of youth
Of life
Of love
A Snapshot, A Moment, A Memory
And in the end, that’s all we really are left with…
Snapshots, Moments, and Memories
A love forever remembered.
An Original Poem By H.R. Beebe
Love Unimagined
Desire
A self-fulfilling reality
Selfish by design
Without a thought of another
A plain blank page
Consideration of nothing
But need in the moment
A use without guilt
Purpose without care
Taking…all that has meaning
Value, worth
Leeching of everything that represents goodness
Until emptiness remains
A life without meaning
Adrift in the void
Of a grey existence
Just another day in a place called
Earth…
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Encounters
Sometimes, we are lost in the moment
Caught up in the flow
Adrift in our own existence
Too focused to know
We have moved forward
But, not yet perceived
That we left behind that moment
And those we thought we need
Touching spirits for an instant
To gain insight
To gain hope
Then faded those connections
Like mist at dawn
Burned away by the rising sun
Until just memories remain
And in time, even they are gone
Need is a powerful thing
A motivator grasping for gain
Until we understand
We already have everything
The emptiness is an illusion
The encounter preordained
The experience was inevitable
As the Spring rain
Life is a series of moments
That has been given since time began
To be savioured and learned from
Then, it is released as you move on
Those we encounter…meet along the path
They were sent there to teach a lesson
Abundance is within you
It’s always been in the palm of your hand.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
