Can you really see me.. at all?
Not the words on the screen
Or the image in your head
But me
The walls between us block the truth
Is the love truly there?
Leaves blow through an empty space
It’s the desolation of my expectations
As I have chased the wild mare
A revolution gone by
Memories cut like knives
Scoring her troubled mind
Competing with shadows
Expectations gone by
Am I really there at all to her
Or just an effigy to be used, sacrificed
To quill the frigid heart
To remind of a life, a love
There but somehow not
A mirage of someone she used to love
Do I stand as her dream of a man that she needs, but is gone?
To fill a hole she didn’t know existed at all
Or am I a hope for a future she thinks she wants?
The more I try to close the gap
To solidify the ties that bind
The more elusive she becomes
Sliding evermore out of my reach
Like grabbing clouds at Twilight
Chasing images in the thick fog
There yet , not elusive and unobtainable
Regardless of techniques or desire
Do I have a chance at all, really?
Am I chasing ghosts, as elusive as air
Everywhere yet nowhere at the same time
Am I real to her, actually?
Can she really see me… at all?
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Electric Love
Baby, I’m lost
Crying into the dark
Why can’t you see me?
You say you love me
But can you actually care
You swear you want me
You swear you need me
But, will you actually..do you …are you really there?
I keep trying… keep giving
And you take it all
Where is the helping hand
Where is the reciprocating heart?
I keep hoping, begging for a sign
That you need more than my things
That money isn’t all that you crave
That my soul is what you really need..
You found me there in the darkness
Like a midnight star , showing the way
In my lowest time , you were my buoy
You kept me alive, in the turbulent time
You saved me and didn’t even know it
A breath of air, to a gasping man
Who didn’t even know how far gone he was
To you, it was just a encounter, I just a guy
To me, you were a godsend, an angel in the night
I keep holding on, wanting it to be true, right
We have gone through your indifference
Fought through your petty heart
Your jaded soul, you grew beyond your years
To where we are now, on the knifes edge
Each day, will we survive it?
It’s anyone’s guess
But, I keep holding on to the memory
Of the moment we met. Of the sweetness of
the love felt, of your light
Indifference, the compliancy of a love assumed
As you demand attention, gratification of a relationship without actual touch, kiss or voice
I have never been in love with words on a screen
Or an image in my head
You exist in a photo, an idea
An online lover, an electronic obsession
I can’t let go. You haunt my dreams
I have never loved more than I love right now
Yet, are you real at all?
Or will you just disappear like
Dust in a breeze
Leaving nothing but a memory, an image
and a broken heart ..
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
A Fearful Fate
The rain keeps coming in waves
Of chill and desolate tones
Darkness keeps coming back
Though I chase the clear day
Lightning strikes keep coming
Each time, I think I’m free
It reverberates back to me
Leaving me cold inside
I’m left shocked, each iteration
As the dark clouds keep gathering
No matter how much I crave the
Peaceful sky
I’m left shell-shocked
Cold and feeling disjointed
Each time the rain comes
I’m left a little more dead inside
Standing there wondering
Will it ever pass?
Craving the warmth of the sun
Yet, in that moment, empty
And alone
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
A Good Man
Acid burned me as it touched My soul
Cauterizing the tattered expectation
As I stood there raw , my heart bared
To the assassin of my desire
Her tone harsh, she took her shot
Not caring, or even realizing the destruction
Her words wrought
We stand alone, each man an island in the darkness
Seek solace in a word, a touch, a smile
Separated from our dream
By the starkness of the bitter reality of life
We start out a wonder to be beheld, life the
gift of the enlightened
Slowly, purposefully, we are reined in
Extinguished, diminished until we are left hollow
Jaded, dissolutioned by the sheer carelessness, we encounter
We become embodiments of that rejection, that pain
Women lament the lack of good men, and yet
They fail to see or understand that
Their words and actions destroy the innocent heart, the loving spirit
Leaving only a bitter shell to pick up the pieces of the soul, they have ripped asunder
Until all that remains is a monster of selfishness and greed
An empty vessel devoid of love or compassion
A creature of their own creation and the perpetrator of this creation ultimately is
Themselves.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Seeking Eve
In Twilight wonder
The faded brilliance left
Me wanting, needing
Something, anything
To fill the void , mitigate
The shadows dwelling in
My sundered existence
Memories of the light
Haunting me, pulling me
Driving me to seek solace
In the walled off places
Hidden in my soul
I chased the spark here and there
Knowing full well the futility of it
As time has taught me the rarity
Of the dawn, once witnessed is unmistakable
Imitation and illusion is not a replacement
It becomes a prison of repetition
A duplication of failure
As I grasp at the real, reach toward the perception
Chase the dream, my mind concocted
As my memory tries in repetitious fashion
To duplicate my experience
To recreate the wonder of it all
To bear witness to the spectacle
The peace that took me as the dawn broke
To purify my tortured journey
Give it purpose, meaning
I traveled long and arduous roads searching
For any place or thing to remind me of that
Moment of Awe, that defined the reason
For standing in the darkness
For being punished for my audacity
To believe I was worthy of the blessing
Of clarity, of being juxtaposed from
A shadowed sub existence to
Having my deepest desire fulfilled
Oh, I have tread this path before to be sure
Even transcended to the light
But , without purpose, without meaning
To give understanding to the moment
It was wasted on a man blinded by ignorance
Stifled by the greed of a miserable past
It prevented the connection to true illumination
Left me empty inside, cold, alone
Each false dawn stole my resolve
Each time the light was taken from me
Destroyed a piece of my spirit until
I was convinced the darkness was all there was
I chased the morning with a longing I can’t readily explain
It has been expressed as brilliance as an awakening
Even a rebirth of sorts, granting new beginnings
However, until you stand witness to it
There are no words to describe
The feeling of the desolation drained
Of the spectacle of sheer joy
You encounter as the loneliness fades
The shadows are banished
Your eyes opened to the wonderous gift
Of the coming dawn
This is what it means to know unconditional love.
This is the actual experience of life.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Question Tomorrow
Moments of loss is where you found me
In the darkness with shadows all around
You called out to my pain
Promising a moment
Of peace
Though the light shown through the dimness
We connected in those moments
We shared a common heart
A common experience
A union of souls
With time, we bonded
Saw the chance of the future
To share the solace of closeness
The promise of unity
Time , an ever-present enemy
Plotted against the prize
To shear away the dream
Separate the reality from the expectation
Words more words, though, never
Actions, as the present lied
To the future, and the past faded
From view, leaving emptiness
It’s only a result. A byproduct of indifference
Where is the purpose
Where is the hope
Lost in moments spent
Alone
When did the darkness return?
Secrets, like cold drops of acid
Burning away the connections
Threats tearing away the dreams
Stumbling blocks placed in the way
Mere objects, money came to block
Promise, as trust was seared away
Chance, or was it predetermined?
Can love endure? Even unconditionally given? Can caring survive contempt?
When loyalty is offered up as a sacrifice for
personal desire?
Is the broken heart ultimately inevitable ?
When we are told what is coming, should we just accept what we are told? What we are shown.
Is that the point where we must just let go?
What about the promise?
What about the dream?
Are we destined for the pain?
What about our past together?
Have we reached a crossroads of fate?
Can we survive this present where you ask without giving, expect without question?
Do you never wonder if maybe you are wrong?
Question your own motives? Wonder if your viewpoint could have been reached in error?
Will love endure?
Will our dream endure?
Will our relationship endure?
When you act, do you ever
Question tomorrow?
Loss
She appeared like a star
Shining brightly in my life
An impossible discovery
A remarkable gift from the
gods
A wealth untold
A blessing unimagined
I was truly happy for an
Instant
It was like Christmas
Everyday, a gift in a smile
The new chance to begin
Again
If only for a moment hope renewed
Then reality became apparent
She was never there, a mirage
Promise of respite disappeared
I was talking to myself
As her image faded, remove
From the digital space
A facade broken
A lie revealed
Conned by my desire
To be loved, wanted
I sat there for a long time
Just staring a blank screen
My feelings raw, betrayed
I had been played
Sad part is, even knowing that
I still missed the image…
Conflict of the Inner life
Too tired to care
Nodding, I stare
Blankly
Trying remember
Why,
Why I continue
Why I believe
Why I love
An illusion of
Feeling
Caring, and not
A thought is all
That motivates
What I should be
How I should waste
A life, as if I
Was part of it
Yet only pretending
Going though the
Motions
I struggle with the
Truth, as I sit here
Trying to live the
Life I was taught
Be the husband
Be the father
As I contemplate
My role
Truth, is I don’t
Know
Who I really am
Though. I am supposed
To feel love
Sometimes, I feel
Nothing
Sad, caught up in
A real life drama
Of societal placement
A belief
Formed my understanding
As I move from day to day
An anachronism of
Another century
Left to live out
My role
Even if I don’t really
Understand my implication
That I feel nothingness
My soul struggles
To withstand the
Onslaught of
A day … A day
That continues.
And with it confusion
Boredom
And the nothingness
That is
That day..and again..
And
Again….and
Again……
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
A Shadow Faded
Freedom, shadows in the past
An empty field, nothing standing
Are we living under our own rights
Morality, or Mortality
Whose hand holds the reins
We think we know, yet
Do we , Really?
We appear to be living in the past
In a place, where inalienable
Actually meant something
Hidden, the real, the true
Slaves, without chains
Chains, without links
The secrets, that are not
Shone,
Yet, we are being forced
To our knees
Without , Understanding
A document, in time
To enumerated our future
A number, A line it spelled out
Our freedoms, Our new future
Mankind rejoiced, A future unbridled
Freedom for all, past history to be forgotten
Only to find Our future, was secretly
Hijacked, by those who stood in shadow
We believed our future wasn’t written
Yet, in time, those who could see
Recognized, the same patterns
The same actions
We found, we were enslaved
By the same ideas
That killed, the ideas in the past
The Shadow, of Freedom fading
Until, it ceased to be seen
At all.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
The Mirror Of The Real
Defined by your reality
Justified by your friends
Vilified by your enemies
You are part of a reality
Sins, of the days
Carry us into the darkness
Convinced, you are just fulfilling
Your life’s path, as you continue
Your image, distorted as it is
In the mirror of your own morality
Thinking, this is what mortality
Has to offer, darkness
As you walk the path of delusion
Thinking as you do, that you are
The first, to pass this way
The sense of selfish righteousness
The older you get, you either
Become aware of the fools path
You have walked, and fight for the , light
Or the dark takes you , as you become
Nothing
Just a pile of dust, and dry bones
Forgotten, pictures that crumble
Just as their subject did
In the end…forgotten
As they turn to dust, and
Are
Gone.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
