Posted on by H.R. Beebe

A Fearful Fate



The rain keeps coming in waves
Of chill and desolate tones
Darkness keeps coming back
Though I chase the clear day

Lightning strikes keep coming
Each time, I think I’m free
It reverberates back to me
Leaving me cold inside

I’m left shocked, each iteration
As the dark clouds keep gathering
No matter how much I crave the
Peaceful sky

I’m left shell-shocked
Cold and feeling disjointed
Each time the rain comes
I’m left a little more dead inside

Standing there wondering
Will it ever pass?
Craving the warmth of the sun
Yet, in that moment, empty
And alone

An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe

Posted on by H.R. Beebe

A Good Man



Acid burned me as it touched My soul
Cauterizing the tattered expectation
As I stood there raw , my heart bared
To the assassin of my desire
Her tone harsh, she took her shot
Not caring, or even realizing the destruction
Her words wrought
We stand alone, each man an island in the darkness
Seek solace in a word, a touch, a smile
Separated from our dream
By the starkness of the bitter reality of life
We start out a wonder to be beheld, life the
gift of the enlightened
Slowly, purposefully, we are reined in
Extinguished, diminished until we are left hollow
Jaded, dissolutioned by the sheer carelessness, we encounter
We become embodiments of that rejection, that pain
Women lament the lack of good men, and yet
They fail to see or understand that
Their words and actions destroy the innocent heart, the loving spirit
Leaving only a bitter shell to pick up the pieces of the soul, they have ripped asunder
Until all that remains is a monster of selfishness and greed
An empty vessel devoid of love or compassion
A creature of their own creation and the perpetrator of this creation ultimately is
Themselves.

An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe

Posted on by H.R. Beebe

Seeking Eve



In Twilight wonder
The faded brilliance left
Me wanting, needing
Something, anything

To fill the void , mitigate
The shadows dwelling in
My sundered existence
Memories of the light

Haunting me, pulling me
Driving me to seek solace
In the walled off places
Hidden in my soul

I chased the spark here and there
Knowing full well the futility of it
As time has taught me the rarity
Of the dawn, once witnessed is unmistakable

Imitation and illusion is not a replacement
It becomes a prison of repetition
A duplication of failure
As I grasp at the real, reach toward the perception
Chase the dream, my mind concocted

As my memory tries in repetitious fashion
To duplicate my experience
To recreate the wonder of it all
To bear witness to the spectacle

The peace that took me as the dawn broke
To purify my tortured journey
Give it purpose, meaning
I traveled long and arduous roads searching

For any place or thing to remind me of that
Moment of Awe, that defined the reason
For standing in the darkness
For being punished for my audacity

To believe I was worthy of the blessing
Of clarity, of being juxtaposed from
A shadowed sub existence to
Having my deepest desire fulfilled

Oh, I have tread this path before to be sure
Even transcended to the light
But , without purpose, without meaning
To give understanding to the moment

It was wasted on a man blinded by ignorance
Stifled by the greed of a miserable past
It prevented the connection to true illumination
Left me empty inside, cold, alone

Each false dawn stole my resolve
Each time the light was taken from me
Destroyed a piece of my spirit until
I was convinced the darkness was all there was

I chased the morning with a longing I can’t readily explain
It has been expressed as brilliance as an awakening
Even a rebirth of sorts, granting new beginnings

However, until you stand witness to it
There are no words to describe
The feeling of the desolation drained
Of the spectacle of sheer joy

You encounter as the loneliness fades
The shadows are banished
Your eyes opened to the wonderous gift
Of the coming dawn

This is what it means to know unconditional love.

This is the actual experience of life.

An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe

Posted on by H.R. Beebe

The Disrespectful Blow


Standing in darkness
Cause I’ve lost the light
Fell from the pinnacle
It’s gone from my sight

Where I started full of love
It’s gone now, decimated
Torn away the hope
Dead the dream of life

Nothing is left, just sack clothe
Sitting on the ground in lament
How could it be all gone
Everything I knew in the end

Not a stick left standing
It’s all dead to my eyes
My life, my baby, my marriage
Fell away in quick succession

I didn’t see it the on the horizon
The storm that was to nie
Like Job I’m left wondering
Where did I go wrong

Was it my countenance
My drive or my lack of time
Did my black heart move forward
The eventual pain and strife

I’ve gone over time and again
Trying to see the moment it changed
The moment my resolve departed
And shredded my original way

It all came unraveled, a piece at a time
My morals departed, all gone
There I was alone again in my own head
Wondering what happened, was there anything I could have said

A man without a home, lost in familiar land
Left to stave and thirst, tortured by my own hand
I craved to be needed, to be loved
But, feeling the longing like a hole in the sand

Devoid of my confidence, a man adrift in my time
Aware that the executioners face under the mask was mine
In the blackness, I felt it there my real sin

The sin of not caring, the lack of empathy not for others
But for myself, I chose to face the empty meanlessness
That was the end of the decision I made

This hell was one of my own design
The devil who came and with him the intentional pain
Was a manifestation of the loss I felt self inflicted

After so long I had become dead inside
Empty of anything real
Just going through the motions
Of an illusion created left on my knees I kneeled

I found in the end it was I who blew up the facade
Burned it to the ground until the ashes were lifted in the wind
To try and feel something, any semblance of the the thing called … life

As stood there in the absence of light
With the weight of it all upon my mind
I knew it had to happen
It was a fate I was destined

An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe

Posted on by H.R. Beebe

Anything For Love


Lost in the moment
I’m not sure who I am
Where I’m going
Stuck between worlds
Between Loves
Each a foreign land

Each one an expression
Frozen in time
Can’t let the moment go
Cant be free in my mind

Lost in the moment
I’m not sure who I am
Where I’m going
Stuck between worlds
Between Loves
Each a foreign land

I know it’s wrong but
Each feeling ls a void
A hole in my soul
That needed a hand

I revile in the joy of it all
Each face, each verbal caress
All summed up in a fullness
I can’t readily express

The darkness has risen
From my continence
The light shined on me
A solace for my tortured mind

Pondering the inevitable
Crash after soaring to those
Lofty heights, fallen expectations
Of a future of promise… now loss

Yet torn asunder by fate
Each moment ticked by
With dread anticipation
Of the reckoning to come

When the truth a rogue power
Will signify the clarity
Hidden by my selfish fear
That to let go would bring loneliness
Again

Moral dilemma, immoral choice
Four souls held tight, their unknowing
A mirror to reflect true emotion to avoid
The dark illusion of a relationship, a bond
Divided, separated in pieces
Hearts

Each fragile like glass, a moment of Impropriety could shatter it all
A clarity would force an action
To remove the peace, to remove the
Calm assurance that if you lose one
More remain, spirits of night

Made plain in the coming dawn
Until the hard truth will be all that remains
Stark, empty, loneliness
And the pain. Broken you earn your own reality.

Forced to release them all in a wave of grief. Of knowing, I can’t avoid the coming
Storm
The tempest of my own soul
Torn asunder by the act

Of acknowledging I am the cause

An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe

Posted on by H.R. Beebe

Innocence Lost



Lost the wonder in eyes unseen
A thousand days gone by
Winter to Spring to Summer unfolds
Then more Winters untold pass by
All the knowledge sought
All the Wisdom gained
Passes in the twinkling of an eye
The importance of the lifetimes accomplishments
Boiled down
To one moment at a time.
We enter this place
Then leave it soon
Leaving the moments as proof
We actually lived a life.
From where did we come?
Where do we go?
Are mysteries unknown to man
All we leave behind are those moments
Scattered like grains of sand
To mark our presence
The species called…
Man

An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe

Posted on by H.R. Beebe

Question Tomorrow



Moments of loss is where you found me
In the darkness with shadows all around
You called out to my pain
Promising a moment
Of peace

Though the light shown through the dimness
We connected in those moments
We shared a common heart
A common experience
A union of souls

With time, we bonded
Saw the chance of the future
To share the solace of closeness
The promise of unity

Time , an ever-present enemy
Plotted against the prize
To shear away the dream
Separate the reality from the expectation

Words more words, though, never
Actions, as the present lied
To the future, and the past faded
From view, leaving emptiness
It’s only a result. A byproduct of indifference

Where is the purpose
Where is the hope
Lost in moments spent
Alone

When did the darkness return?
Secrets, like cold drops of acid
Burning away the connections
Threats tearing away the dreams

Stumbling blocks placed in the way
Mere objects, money came to block
Promise, as trust was seared away
Chance, or was it predetermined?

Can love endure? Even unconditionally given? Can caring survive contempt?
When loyalty is offered up as a sacrifice for
personal desire?
Is the broken heart ultimately inevitable ?

When we are told what is coming, should we just accept what we are told? What we are shown.
Is that the point where we must just let go?
What about the promise?
What about the dream?

Are we destined for the pain?
What about our past together?
Have we reached a crossroads of fate?
Can we survive this present where you ask without giving, expect without question?

Do you never wonder if maybe you are wrong?
Question your own motives? Wonder if your viewpoint could have been reached in error?

Will love endure?
Will our dream endure?
Will our relationship endure?
When you act, do you ever
Question tomorrow?



Posted on by H.R. Beebe

Mary Cynthia

Is she the light or the darkness
The touch or the cold alone
Can she reach the tortured soul or remain aloof
Does she light desire or squelch the burning
Flame
Her dark eyes excite the secret obsession
Her body the thing of fevered fantasies
Soft words kindle a lust undeniable
As she shares the secrets most coveted by men
Gifts of passion revelations of future promises
A covenant sworned in terms of forver
An embrace the riches to be experienced
Is she the light or the darkness?
The point moot
There is nothing more desperate
in my soul..
More immediate within my thoughts
Her presence inspires only one emotion
within me
Burning Need
She is my Obsession

An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe

Posted on by H.R. Beebe

Loss

She appeared like a star
Shining brightly in my life
An impossible discovery
A remarkable gift from the
gods

A wealth untold
A blessing unimagined
I was truly happy for an
Instant

It was like Christmas
Everyday, a gift in a smile
The new chance to begin
Again
If only for a moment hope renewed

Then reality became apparent
She was never there, a mirage
Promise of respite disappeared
I was talking to myself

As her image faded, remove
From the digital space
A facade broken
A lie revealed

Conned by my desire
To be loved, wanted
I sat there for a long time
Just staring a blank screen

My feelings raw, betrayed
I had been played
Sad part is, even knowing that
I still missed the image…

Posted on by H.R. Beebe

Conflict of the Inner life

Too tired to care
Nodding,  I stare
Blankly
Trying remember
Why,
Why I continue
Why I believe
Why I love
An illusion of
Feeling
Caring, and not
A thought is all
That motivates
What I should be
How I should waste
A life, as if I
Was part of it
Yet only pretending
Going though the
Motions
I struggle with the
Truth, as I sit here
Trying to live the
Life I was taught
Be the husband
Be the father
As I contemplate
My role

Truth, is I don’t
Know
Who I really am
Though. I am supposed
To feel love
Sometimes, I feel
Nothing

Sad, caught up in
A real life drama
Of societal placement
A belief
Formed my understanding
As I move from day to day

An anachronism of
Another century
Left to live out
My role
Even if I don’t really
Understand my implication
That I feel nothingness
My soul struggles
To withstand the
Onslaught of
A day … A day
That continues.

And with it confusion
Boredom
And the nothingness
That is
That day..and again..
And
Again….and
Again……

An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe