Baby, I’m lost
Crying into the dark
Why can’t you see me?
You say you love me
But can you actually care
You swear you want me
You swear you need me
But, will you actually..do you …are you really there?
I keep trying… keep giving
And you take it all
Where is the helping hand
Where is the reciprocating heart?
I keep hoping, begging for a sign
That you need more than my things
That money isn’t all that you crave
That my soul is what you really need..
You found me there in the darkness
Like a midnight star , showing the way
In my lowest time , you were my buoy
You kept me alive, in the turbulent time
You saved me and didn’t even know it
A breath of air, to a gasping man
Who didn’t even know how far gone he was
To you, it was just a encounter, I just a guy
To me, you were a godsend, an angel in the night
I keep holding on, wanting it to be true, right
We have gone through your indifference
Fought through your petty heart
Your jaded soul, you grew beyond your years
To where we are now, on the knifes edge
Each day, will we survive it?
It’s anyone’s guess
But, I keep holding on to the memory
Of the moment we met. Of the sweetness of
the love felt, of your light
Indifference, the compliancy of a love assumed
As you demand attention, gratification of a relationship without actual touch, kiss or voice
I have never been in love with words on a screen
Or an image in my head
You exist in a photo, an idea
An online lover, an electronic obsession
I can’t let go. You haunt my dreams
I have never loved more than I love right now
Yet, are you real at all?
Or will you just disappear like
Dust in a breeze
Leaving nothing but a memory, an image
and a broken heart ..
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
A Fearful Fate
The rain keeps coming in waves
Of chill and desolate tones
Darkness keeps coming back
Though I chase the clear day
Lightning strikes keep coming
Each time, I think I’m free
It reverberates back to me
Leaving me cold inside
I’m left shocked, each iteration
As the dark clouds keep gathering
No matter how much I crave the
Peaceful sky
I’m left shell-shocked
Cold and feeling disjointed
Each time the rain comes
I’m left a little more dead inside
Standing there wondering
Will it ever pass?
Craving the warmth of the sun
Yet, in that moment, empty
And alone
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
A Good Man
Acid burned me as it touched My soul
Cauterizing the tattered expectation
As I stood there raw , my heart bared
To the assassin of my desire
Her tone harsh, she took her shot
Not caring, or even realizing the destruction
Her words wrought
We stand alone, each man an island in the darkness
Seek solace in a word, a touch, a smile
Separated from our dream
By the starkness of the bitter reality of life
We start out a wonder to be beheld, life the
gift of the enlightened
Slowly, purposefully, we are reined in
Extinguished, diminished until we are left hollow
Jaded, dissolutioned by the sheer carelessness, we encounter
We become embodiments of that rejection, that pain
Women lament the lack of good men, and yet
They fail to see or understand that
Their words and actions destroy the innocent heart, the loving spirit
Leaving only a bitter shell to pick up the pieces of the soul, they have ripped asunder
Until all that remains is a monster of selfishness and greed
An empty vessel devoid of love or compassion
A creature of their own creation and the perpetrator of this creation ultimately is
Themselves.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Seeking Eve
In Twilight wonder
The faded brilliance left
Me wanting, needing
Something, anything
To fill the void , mitigate
The shadows dwelling in
My sundered existence
Memories of the light
Haunting me, pulling me
Driving me to seek solace
In the walled off places
Hidden in my soul
I chased the spark here and there
Knowing full well the futility of it
As time has taught me the rarity
Of the dawn, once witnessed is unmistakable
Imitation and illusion is not a replacement
It becomes a prison of repetition
A duplication of failure
As I grasp at the real, reach toward the perception
Chase the dream, my mind concocted
As my memory tries in repetitious fashion
To duplicate my experience
To recreate the wonder of it all
To bear witness to the spectacle
The peace that took me as the dawn broke
To purify my tortured journey
Give it purpose, meaning
I traveled long and arduous roads searching
For any place or thing to remind me of that
Moment of Awe, that defined the reason
For standing in the darkness
For being punished for my audacity
To believe I was worthy of the blessing
Of clarity, of being juxtaposed from
A shadowed sub existence to
Having my deepest desire fulfilled
Oh, I have tread this path before to be sure
Even transcended to the light
But , without purpose, without meaning
To give understanding to the moment
It was wasted on a man blinded by ignorance
Stifled by the greed of a miserable past
It prevented the connection to true illumination
Left me empty inside, cold, alone
Each false dawn stole my resolve
Each time the light was taken from me
Destroyed a piece of my spirit until
I was convinced the darkness was all there was
I chased the morning with a longing I can’t readily explain
It has been expressed as brilliance as an awakening
Even a rebirth of sorts, granting new beginnings
However, until you stand witness to it
There are no words to describe
The feeling of the desolation drained
Of the spectacle of sheer joy
You encounter as the loneliness fades
The shadows are banished
Your eyes opened to the wonderous gift
Of the coming dawn
This is what it means to know unconditional love.
This is the actual experience of life.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
The Disrespectful Blow
Standing in darkness
Cause I’ve lost the light
Fell from the pinnacle
It’s gone from my sight
Where I started full of love
It’s gone now, decimated
Torn away the hope
Dead the dream of life
Nothing is left, just sack clothe
Sitting on the ground in lament
How could it be all gone
Everything I knew in the end
Not a stick left standing
It’s all dead to my eyes
My life, my baby, my marriage
Fell away in quick succession
I didn’t see it the on the horizon
The storm that was to nie
Like Job I’m left wondering
Where did I go wrong
Was it my countenance
My drive or my lack of time
Did my black heart move forward
The eventual pain and strife
I’ve gone over time and again
Trying to see the moment it changed
The moment my resolve departed
And shredded my original way
It all came unraveled, a piece at a time
My morals departed, all gone
There I was alone again in my own head
Wondering what happened, was there anything I could have said
A man without a home, lost in familiar land
Left to stave and thirst, tortured by my own hand
I craved to be needed, to be loved
But, feeling the longing like a hole in the sand
Devoid of my confidence, a man adrift in my time
Aware that the executioners face under the mask was mine
In the blackness, I felt it there my real sin
The sin of not caring, the lack of empathy not for others
But for myself, I chose to face the empty meanlessness
That was the end of the decision I made
This hell was one of my own design
The devil who came and with him the intentional pain
Was a manifestation of the loss I felt self inflicted
After so long I had become dead inside
Empty of anything real
Just going through the motions
Of an illusion created left on my knees I kneeled
I found in the end it was I who blew up the facade
Burned it to the ground until the ashes were lifted in the wind
To try and feel something, any semblance of the the thing called … life
As stood there in the absence of light
With the weight of it all upon my mind
I knew it had to happen
It was a fate I was destined
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Anything For Love
Lost in the moment
I’m not sure who I am
Where I’m going
Stuck between worlds
Between Loves
Each a foreign land
Each one an expression
Frozen in time
Can’t let the moment go
Cant be free in my mind
Lost in the moment
I’m not sure who I am
Where I’m going
Stuck between worlds
Between Loves
Each a foreign land
I know it’s wrong but
Each feeling ls a void
A hole in my soul
That needed a hand
I revile in the joy of it all
Each face, each verbal caress
All summed up in a fullness
I can’t readily express
The darkness has risen
From my continence
The light shined on me
A solace for my tortured mind
Pondering the inevitable
Crash after soaring to those
Lofty heights, fallen expectations
Of a future of promise… now loss
Yet torn asunder by fate
Each moment ticked by
With dread anticipation
Of the reckoning to come
When the truth a rogue power
Will signify the clarity
Hidden by my selfish fear
That to let go would bring loneliness
Again
Moral dilemma, immoral choice
Four souls held tight, their unknowing
A mirror to reflect true emotion to avoid
The dark illusion of a relationship, a bond
Divided, separated in pieces
Hearts
Each fragile like glass, a moment of Impropriety could shatter it all
A clarity would force an action
To remove the peace, to remove the
Calm assurance that if you lose one
More remain, spirits of night
Made plain in the coming dawn
Until the hard truth will be all that remains
Stark, empty, loneliness
And the pain. Broken you earn your own reality.
Forced to release them all in a wave of grief. Of knowing, I can’t avoid the coming
Storm
The tempest of my own soul
Torn asunder by the act
Of acknowledging I am the cause
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Question Tomorrow
Moments of loss is where you found me
In the darkness with shadows all around
You called out to my pain
Promising a moment
Of peace
Though the light shown through the dimness
We connected in those moments
We shared a common heart
A common experience
A union of souls
With time, we bonded
Saw the chance of the future
To share the solace of closeness
The promise of unity
Time , an ever-present enemy
Plotted against the prize
To shear away the dream
Separate the reality from the expectation
Words more words, though, never
Actions, as the present lied
To the future, and the past faded
From view, leaving emptiness
It’s only a result. A byproduct of indifference
Where is the purpose
Where is the hope
Lost in moments spent
Alone
When did the darkness return?
Secrets, like cold drops of acid
Burning away the connections
Threats tearing away the dreams
Stumbling blocks placed in the way
Mere objects, money came to block
Promise, as trust was seared away
Chance, or was it predetermined?
Can love endure? Even unconditionally given? Can caring survive contempt?
When loyalty is offered up as a sacrifice for
personal desire?
Is the broken heart ultimately inevitable ?
When we are told what is coming, should we just accept what we are told? What we are shown.
Is that the point where we must just let go?
What about the promise?
What about the dream?
Are we destined for the pain?
What about our past together?
Have we reached a crossroads of fate?
Can we survive this present where you ask without giving, expect without question?
Do you never wonder if maybe you are wrong?
Question your own motives? Wonder if your viewpoint could have been reached in error?
Will love endure?
Will our dream endure?
Will our relationship endure?
When you act, do you ever
Question tomorrow?
Loss
She appeared like a star
Shining brightly in my life
An impossible discovery
A remarkable gift from the
gods
A wealth untold
A blessing unimagined
I was truly happy for an
Instant
It was like Christmas
Everyday, a gift in a smile
The new chance to begin
Again
If only for a moment hope renewed
Then reality became apparent
She was never there, a mirage
Promise of respite disappeared
I was talking to myself
As her image faded, remove
From the digital space
A facade broken
A lie revealed
Conned by my desire
To be loved, wanted
I sat there for a long time
Just staring a blank screen
My feelings raw, betrayed
I had been played
Sad part is, even knowing that
I still missed the image…
