Silence , louder than a gunshot
The pulse of emptiness, my constant companion
It’s the lonely heart that is maddening
As darkness becomes life
In contemplation of broken expectation
Repetitious moments of nothingness
As time stretches
Surety becomes insolence
Indifference a witness
Of events, yet material
The truth is a bitter pill
As promises become monotonous rout
In the face of steel cold expectation
Yet , never made real
Assurances ring hollow
As each grain of sand descends
Tick, tick, tick
Ringing like a gong in my brain
Though, in truth, passes in silence
A dream though held dear, yet in vain?
Once more, I’m left wanting… needing…
Believing in the shining contemplation
The image of the fortunate
Drunk on the wine of the amorous soul
Yet, betrayed by my foolish fate
Adrift on the questioning tide
Of Indifference
Each day I wake , pursuing a future
That exists in a flux on ambiguity
Like mists at dawn, fleeting
Ethereal
Unreal
Such is my witness
Each experience, flavorless
Unsubstantiated
Unrequited
Never reciprocated
I exist, survive the onslaught
Of inner demons
As they celebrate my misery
Cheer my pain
As the beauty I pursue seems oblivious
Of my tortured existence
My doubtful gaze
I suffer in silence
With baited breath
And hope against hope
My emotional wounds are self-inflicted
Rather than a Damocles blade
To strike my already broken and battered soul
Shattering a future yet written
A fate left undreamed.
An Original Poem By H.R. Beebe
Forward Toward Dawn
Chasing my dreams
Forbidden themes
Things I shouldn’t desire
Are they beyond my reach?
Conspired against me
They strive to quell the stream
Stop the flow
Force me to quit, to leave
You can’t win. Who are you to have needs?
You can’t succeed
Through the mired planes, I thread forward
By myself, I moved silently
Dark Thoughts forged by darker deeds
Forced to stand even alone
On the path of the truth
Wherever it leads
Never waver, never falter
Toward the finish, I must seek
True wisdom is not in the known
The word or the deed
It’s found in the silence
An the rustle of the leaves
An internal journey
Made just for me
“I don’t know. ” … is the beginning
Of the understanding that I need.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Sometimes I’m Just Alone
Sometimes, I’m just alone
Even when others are near
Lost in a crowd, people
Talking, but no one hears
I stand by myself
Though others claim to care
They just want what they want
But when I tell them what I want, they just stare
Love.. what is love? Just a over used word
A narcissistic endeavor
Chasing someone else’s dream
It’s my nightmare
Silence, when I need a friend
No one is there
They chase their golden rings
Fair? What is fair?
Sometimes, I’m just alone
Even when others are near
Lost in a crowd of people
Talking, but no one hears
Forty or fifty or seventy-five years
Chasing a mirage of other people’s things
You marry, you change , you compromise
You lose yourself, not realizing your blind
Thought you’d make a difference
Change the world
See new sights
But alias, it was all an illusion, just smoke and mirrors mere lies
As you look back at your journey
The paths of your life
You see the truth
It was all a waste of
Time.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Dying of the Light
Lost in a whirlwind
Adrift in need to heal
To renew
Desire unfulfilled
Can it be again?
Long time dead
Feeling empty
Cold
Left to my solitude
I remain in a status
Of the mundane
I existed
Yet did I live?
I had the semblance
None of the zeal
Flat lined normalcy
I felt nothing
Not love
Not hate
Indifference colored in shades of gray
Craving
Something to fight for
As I tripped the moral coil
I was just present
Like a kid in the back of the classroom
I paid little attention to the stream of days
Years as they wheeled by in cycle
I was alone in myself
I justified my purgatory
As a duty
A commitment
A relationship
Though in truth, it was simply easy
Familiar self abuse
To experience or rather not experience
Anything
Could I justify ambivalence?
My scattered soul?
My lacking realization
I knew true insanity… the insanity of those who simply remain
As time passed I (saw) my worthless plight
In the mirror of my regret
A decade separated from myself
Suffering the nothingness in silent resignation
My illusion, a facade of complacency
Self-imposed isolation
A death nell of a love that never really was
My future the road less traveled
For fear of abandoning dreams
Scattered remnants of hopes that are long desiccated
I took the first step in the wake of a death
A pain spared by the grave
Thanos mercy the cruelest respite
Not to see the devastation
Of the loss
The truth laid bare
The fear unfelt
As the once bright flame
Finally died
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Measure of a Man
A man of unbridled will
Unwilling to compromise
My life for any
I wake the day to blaze my own path
Not looking back to past failures losses
I live for this moment
People come and they go
I am unwilling to bend to the selfish heart
Or the narcissistic desire
Life is what it is
A gift to be taken if you are bold enough
To rush the fearful unknown
You live in this moment
Or die for past regret
Charge forward toward the places
Angels fear to tread
Bold courage is the power to be wielded
Fear a thing ridiculed by action
Unwavering determination
Marks a life well
Lived
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
A Momentary Kindness
The value of a heart
Transcendent dreams unfettered
By thoughts of mortality
Consideration of tomorrow
Alive with the moment
As newness reverberates
Through the fertile Spring
No question of choice or experience
Just action , taking the prize
With baited breath, silent anticipation
Taboo expectations accompany
Reckless abandon
Tomorrows, unthought of
The past a shadowed phantom
Adrift in realization of the now
The Secret agreed upon
Ecstatic occurrence in present relief
Emotions unconsidered
Consequences rendered moot
Tender darkness , the gift of fate
Wealth of uttered breath
Whispered thanks to no one
Warm the brief embrace
To ward against the bitter emptiness
Three shared the respite
Together, alone, cold the passage
Traveled in silence
Souls wept
Separated, by distance
Frozen in memory
Shared a moment , a kindness
Lost to the grave
The road less traveled
The time long passed
Nevermore experienced
In the end, nothing lasts
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Memories of a Life: Lost
Tattered leaves left scattered on the floor
Remnants of things that were valuable
Signs of life that have once been present Real
Now passed usefulness just leftovers to show what was
Shattered dreams left abandoned
Hopes that never were
Nothing left to covent
Wind blowing lost ambitions away
Yellowed with age
Pieces of a life as worthless as the pieces of paper that remain
Littered among the cobwebs and dust of neglect
Mere shadows , phantoms of another time
Another place
Another life
No one left to morn it
No one left to remember it
No one left to care
Thanos has taken his due
Leaving an empty place
Where abundance once ruled
It’s all gone now
Empty
Wasted
A place that even the memories now fade
In a decade … or maybe two
Even they will pass
And
Be
Gone.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Online Dreams : Lying Realities
So you hated, we dated
Online need you used
As a sign, you said
Your happiness is a paramount concern
Mine left unseen
We progressed, we saw
A desire for control ruled all
As time passed, you showed
The truth in a phrase, a curse
Photos a threat
Give me…. I need
Don’t make me
Take another act before it’s too late
Love, not present
Though you whispered your truth
Ice cold your lies
Reflected the words became weapons
Narcissistic shadows in a demented scene
Forcing the present, a future disease
Control a mission
Your betrayal a hidden reality
Fictional future
Empty house of dreams
Your words are poison
Your true thoughts are not of me
The old tune replayed
Melody is the same
The lie is not a new thing
Simply repetitious and replayed.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
An Angel of Retribution: Never Trust A Dream
The dawn darkened by the eclipse
As my world fell in down
Everything I had held dear
Lost to the lie of light
Just when I thought she was real
I trusted her light even though I guess
I knew … deep down knew her true nature
Like you know, the dark clouds bring rain
I thought… maybe this time, the sun would shine even as the wind rose I held on
From the false dawn of her appearance
I held on to my belief, like a dry man thinks the mirage is true
I kept reaching out for the illusion of water
Illusion of light as I saw what I thought an angel
Who had saved my black heart in the lowest moment
My darkest time, she appeared
Sweet nectar flowing from her continuance
Beauty radiated from her light
I was taken, a man desperate for a dream
Lost in a decade of meaninglessness
My future just ashes burned up by reality
My hopes sundered by truth in the moment
A cliff to oblivion stretched before my eyes
A lie appeared dressed as a dream
A lie in the form of salvation
Appeared to offer a moments relief
Time ceased to have meaning
I stood in the steel hard rain
Alone in my understanding
Alone in my despair
Resigned to my fate
As a tear escaped my will
She appeared a gold image
A fiery vision of a chance
She whispered, hope
Spoke of desire… spoke of need
An image of an angel
Her secret is a devilish deed
You see the devil is in the details
The lies so close to the truth
The devil was once an angel, too
Desire was a lasso made of gold
She whispered love and caring
As she took her fill gave nothing
But the truth of her betrayal
Narcissistic in her endeavors
Control in her intent
The moment revealed
Demonic actions
Promise changed in an instant to pain
Hope to loss indeed
The sunrise I had been chasing
Was a false dawn seen
As the storm clouds gathered
Hard steel rain intervened
My Savior a villain
My salvation was a pipedream
The lesson taught is
Never trust a
Dream
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
A California Dream
A question left unanswered
As I see the way you do
Your words hollow as you go another way
I’m left out here hanging … just hanging in space
You see, you want what you want, demand what you need
Know what don’t you see? You dont see Me
An empty seat, I’m not present
A man alone.
Did you need me? Did you care?
Were there others who filled my place there?
Professed love left hanging, empty words
A means to an end
Wanted what you wanted
Im just a means to an end.
It’s funny how I believed
Guess I saw what I wanted to see
In the end, there may be others
To fill the place I wanted to be
Know who won’t be there to be filled with pain to see?
Me.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
