Lost in a whirlwind
Adrift in need to heal
To renew
Desire unfulfilled

Can it be again?
Long time dead
Feeling empty
Cold

Left to my solitude
I remain in a status
Of the mundane
I existed

Yet did I live?
I had the semblance
None of the zeal
Flat lined normalcy

I felt nothing
Not love
Not hate
Indifference colored in shades of gray

Craving
Something to fight for
As I tripped the moral coil
I was just present

Like a kid in the back of the classroom
I paid little attention to the stream of days
Years as they wheeled by in cycle
I was alone in myself

I justified my purgatory
As a duty
A commitment
A relationship

Though in truth, it was simply easy
Familiar self abuse
To experience or rather not experience
Anything

Could I justify ambivalence?
My scattered soul?
My lacking realization
I knew true insanity… the insanity of those who simply remain

As time passed I  (saw) my worthless plight
In the mirror of my regret
A decade separated from myself

Suffering the nothingness in silent resignation
My  illusion, a facade of complacency
Self-imposed isolation

A death nell of a love that never really was
My future the road less traveled
For fear of abandoning dreams
Scattered remnants of hopes that are long desiccated

I took the first step in the wake of a death
A pain spared by the grave
Thanos mercy the cruelest respite
Not to see the devastation

Of the loss
The truth laid bare
The fear unfelt
As the once bright flame

Finally died

An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe