In Twilight wonder
The faded brilliance left
Me wanting, needing
Something, anything
To fill the void , mitigate
The shadows dwelling in
My sundered existence
Memories of the light
Haunting me, pulling me
Driving me to seek solace
In the walled off places
Hidden in my soul
I chased the spark here and there
Knowing full well the futility of it
As time has taught me the rarity
Of the dawn, once witnessed is unmistakable
Imitation and illusion is not a replacement
It becomes a prison of repetition
A duplication of failure
As I grasp at the real, reach toward the perception
Chase the dream, my mind concocted
As my memory tries in repetitious fashion
To duplicate my experience
To recreate the wonder of it all
To bear witness to the spectacle
The peace that took me as the dawn broke
To purify my tortured journey
Give it purpose, meaning
I traveled long and arduous roads searching
For any place or thing to remind me of that
Moment of Awe, that defined the reason
For standing in the darkness
For being punished for my audacity
To believe I was worthy of the blessing
Of clarity, of being juxtaposed from
A shadowed sub existence to
Having my deepest desire fulfilled
Oh, I have tread this path before to be sure
Even transcended to the light
But , without purpose, without meaning
To give understanding to the moment
It was wasted on a man blinded by ignorance
Stifled by the greed of a miserable past
It prevented the connection to true illumination
Left me empty inside, cold, alone
Each false dawn stole my resolve
Each time the light was taken from me
Destroyed a piece of my spirit until
I was convinced the darkness was all there was
I chased the morning with a longing I can’t readily explain
It has been expressed as brilliance as an awakening
Even a rebirth of sorts, granting new beginnings
However, until you stand witness to it
There are no words to describe
The feeling of the desolation drained
Of the spectacle of sheer joy
You encounter as the loneliness fades
The shadows are banished
Your eyes opened to the wonderous gift
Of the coming dawn
This is what it means to know unconditional love.
This is the actual experience of life.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
The Disrespectful Blow
Standing in darkness
Cause I’ve lost the light
Fell from the pinnacle
It’s gone from my sight
Where I started full of love
It’s gone now, decimated
Torn away the hope
Dead the dream of life
Nothing is left, just sack clothe
Sitting on the ground in lament
How could it be all gone
Everything I knew in the end
Not a stick left standing
It’s all dead to my eyes
My life, my baby, my marriage
Fell away in quick succession
I didn’t see it the on the horizon
The storm that was to nie
Like Job I’m left wondering
Where did I go wrong
Was it my countenance
My drive or my lack of time
Did my black heart move forward
The eventual pain and strife
I’ve gone over time and again
Trying to see the moment it changed
The moment my resolve departed
And shredded my original way
It all came unraveled, a piece at a time
My morals departed, all gone
There I was alone again in my own head
Wondering what happened, was there anything I could have said
A man without a home, lost in familiar land
Left to stave and thirst, tortured by my own hand
I craved to be needed, to be loved
But, feeling the longing like a hole in the sand
Devoid of my confidence, a man adrift in my time
Aware that the executioners face under the mask was mine
In the blackness, I felt it there my real sin
The sin of not caring, the lack of empathy not for others
But for myself, I chose to face the empty meanlessness
That was the end of the decision I made
This hell was one of my own design
The devil who came and with him the intentional pain
Was a manifestation of the loss I felt self inflicted
After so long I had become dead inside
Empty of anything real
Just going through the motions
Of an illusion created left on my knees I kneeled
I found in the end it was I who blew up the facade
Burned it to the ground until the ashes were lifted in the wind
To try and feel something, any semblance of the the thing called … life
As stood there in the absence of light
With the weight of it all upon my mind
I knew it had to happen
It was a fate I was destined
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Anything For Love
Lost in the moment
I’m not sure who I am
Where I’m going
Stuck between worlds
Between Loves
Each a foreign land
Each one an expression
Frozen in time
Can’t let the moment go
Cant be free in my mind
Lost in the moment
I’m not sure who I am
Where I’m going
Stuck between worlds
Between Loves
Each a foreign land
I know it’s wrong but
Each feeling ls a void
A hole in my soul
That needed a hand
I revile in the joy of it all
Each face, each verbal caress
All summed up in a fullness
I can’t readily express
The darkness has risen
From my continence
The light shined on me
A solace for my tortured mind
Pondering the inevitable
Crash after soaring to those
Lofty heights, fallen expectations
Of a future of promise… now loss
Yet torn asunder by fate
Each moment ticked by
With dread anticipation
Of the reckoning to come
When the truth a rogue power
Will signify the clarity
Hidden by my selfish fear
That to let go would bring loneliness
Again
Moral dilemma, immoral choice
Four souls held tight, their unknowing
A mirror to reflect true emotion to avoid
The dark illusion of a relationship, a bond
Divided, separated in pieces
Hearts
Each fragile like glass, a moment of Impropriety could shatter it all
A clarity would force an action
To remove the peace, to remove the
Calm assurance that if you lose one
More remain, spirits of night
Made plain in the coming dawn
Until the hard truth will be all that remains
Stark, empty, loneliness
And the pain. Broken you earn your own reality.
Forced to release them all in a wave of grief. Of knowing, I can’t avoid the coming
Storm
The tempest of my own soul
Torn asunder by the act
Of acknowledging I am the cause
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Innocence Lost
Lost the wonder in eyes unseen
A thousand days gone by
Winter to Spring to Summer unfolds
Then more Winters untold pass by
All the knowledge sought
All the Wisdom gained
Passes in the twinkling of an eye
The importance of the lifetimes accomplishments
Boiled down
To one moment at a time.
We enter this place
Then leave it soon
Leaving the moments as proof
We actually lived a life.
From where did we come?
Where do we go?
Are mysteries unknown to man
All we leave behind are those moments
Scattered like grains of sand
To mark our presence
The species called…
Man
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Question Tomorrow
Moments of loss is where you found me
In the darkness with shadows all around
You called out to my pain
Promising a moment
Of peace
Though the light shown through the dimness
We connected in those moments
We shared a common heart
A common experience
A union of souls
With time, we bonded
Saw the chance of the future
To share the solace of closeness
The promise of unity
Time , an ever-present enemy
Plotted against the prize
To shear away the dream
Separate the reality from the expectation
Words more words, though, never
Actions, as the present lied
To the future, and the past faded
From view, leaving emptiness
It’s only a result. A byproduct of indifference
Where is the purpose
Where is the hope
Lost in moments spent
Alone
When did the darkness return?
Secrets, like cold drops of acid
Burning away the connections
Threats tearing away the dreams
Stumbling blocks placed in the way
Mere objects, money came to block
Promise, as trust was seared away
Chance, or was it predetermined?
Can love endure? Even unconditionally given? Can caring survive contempt?
When loyalty is offered up as a sacrifice for
personal desire?
Is the broken heart ultimately inevitable ?
When we are told what is coming, should we just accept what we are told? What we are shown.
Is that the point where we must just let go?
What about the promise?
What about the dream?
Are we destined for the pain?
What about our past together?
Have we reached a crossroads of fate?
Can we survive this present where you ask without giving, expect without question?
Do you never wonder if maybe you are wrong?
Question your own motives? Wonder if your viewpoint could have been reached in error?
Will love endure?
Will our dream endure?
Will our relationship endure?
When you act, do you ever
Question tomorrow?
Conflict of the Inner life
Too tired to care
Nodding, I stare
Blankly
Trying remember
Why,
Why I continue
Why I believe
Why I love
An illusion of
Feeling
Caring, and not
A thought is all
That motivates
What I should be
How I should waste
A life, as if I
Was part of it
Yet only pretending
Going though the
Motions
I struggle with the
Truth, as I sit here
Trying to live the
Life I was taught
Be the husband
Be the father
As I contemplate
My role
Truth, is I don’t
Know
Who I really am
Though. I am supposed
To feel love
Sometimes, I feel
Nothing
Sad, caught up in
A real life drama
Of societal placement
A belief
Formed my understanding
As I move from day to day
An anachronism of
Another century
Left to live out
My role
Even if I don’t really
Understand my implication
That I feel nothingness
My soul struggles
To withstand the
Onslaught of
A day … A day
That continues.
And with it confusion
Boredom
And the nothingness
That is
That day..and again..
And
Again….and
Again……
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
A Shadow Faded
Freedom, shadows in the past
An empty field, nothing standing
Are we living under our own rights
Morality, or Mortality
Whose hand holds the reins
We think we know, yet
Do we , Really?
We appear to be living in the past
In a place, where inalienable
Actually meant something
Hidden, the real, the true
Slaves, without chains
Chains, without links
The secrets, that are not
Shone,
Yet, we are being forced
To our knees
Without , Understanding
A document, in time
To enumerated our future
A number, A line it spelled out
Our freedoms, Our new future
Mankind rejoiced, A future unbridled
Freedom for all, past history to be forgotten
Only to find Our future, was secretly
Hijacked, by those who stood in shadow
We believed our future wasn’t written
Yet, in time, those who could see
Recognized, the same patterns
The same actions
We found, we were enslaved
By the same ideas
That killed, the ideas in the past
The Shadow, of Freedom fading
Until, it ceased to be seen
At all.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
I Watch It Pass
The window shows the scene, a freedom
if you are willing to take it
And, yet most will look on as they sit wishing
their lives away and never experiencing it
So as the view changes, so changes their desire
It leads to sleepless nights, and restless days
At the thought, of the future, the old worries
arise, lost in a past that has worn out it’s welcome
Each sleepless night, I pay homage to the past
As the world changes outside my window
But, I never do…
A Original Poem By H.R Beebe
A Question of Fate
I am in the shadows
A war in my presence
Enemies unseen
I slipped their attempts
I try to stay aware
Yet, I am a target
Death, a presence
Ever close, waiting
Some how, I am still here
I have an angel, watching
Even as the worse events
play out
The end, appears close
Yet, I hear a voice saying
“Wait…endure….”
Even as my world is destroyed
Endure, as everything is taken
And, is gone…
I watch as the smoke ascents
Nothing left , just ashes and
Smoke..
In sack cloth, with ashes on my head
Repenting my life, and the moment
of my conception
I endured in my misery
And, then the light came… first
a beam then two angels to lift
me out of my sorrow
They spoke of forgiveness
They spoke of a new covenant
All that was, I will be blessed
with again
Not one life that was taken in
vain
Though, I knew their words were
true
As they took their leave of me
Still, I felt the pain
Of being
Human
A Single Truth
She was all I had
She was all I wanted
As the world becomes hell
I face the darkness knowing
I got what I wanted
Through the tempest, I stood
my ground
A hundred demons stood against
me
I didn’t blink, I never feared them
I knew she was there
As Civilizations crumble
I walked amongst the ruins
I survived as it all collapsed
The stars fell, as the sky changed
The people ran, and hid their faces
She walked by my side
Everything, was gone
An though the powers that were
no more
She was all that I had left
She was all I needed
The world was just a facade
A stage where she taught me
Who I really was, in the chaos
And, who I needed to be
As we walked the path
She showed me the light
In amongst all the darkness
She was my light
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
