Echos of eden
In the garden of discontent
Lost innocence in the electronic spaces
Alone in the spaces between electrons and life
As the transients of the new age suffer unrequited love
Wandering aimlessly, the web of uncertainty
Seeking, searching their golden moments
Instants of connection, moments of solace
Connections of mental communion
Or physical ardor
Alone in the crowd, a soul among many
Wanting, needing …. something
A patriarchal reminisce
A matriarchal memory
Healing that empty cold experience
Or to forget the treasonous moment
And the fact they were abandoned by life
Separated by distances by languages by blood
Realizations become evidence
Evidence becomes clearity
The world is simply a grand illusion
The actual truth is it isn’t really here
At all.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Witless Reflections:The Narcissistic Soul
A question of fidelity
The distance a bulwark against the truth
As a wall erected by her conceit
Hidden secrets, half whispered in silence
Of the lack of information of intimate knowledge
Promises of transparency in the face of stony emptiness
A face, a smile, an image of the past
As few present images are granted
As platinum need apparent
Colored by the petitioning heart
Trepidation ruled my consciousness
As I surmised my worth
A lover? A friend? A lifelong companion?
The drumbeat of my true purpose laid bare
I am the answer to a question, a means to an end
A solution to a dilemma
I’m an unwitting man
Who reached for love
But became a benefactor of a narcissistic soul.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
My Dark Fate: Each Moment Alone
Silence , louder than a gunshot
The pulse of emptiness, my constant companion
It’s the lonely heart that is maddening
As darkness becomes life
In contemplation of broken expectation
Repetitious moments of nothingness
As time stretches
Surety becomes insolence
Indifference a witness
Of events, yet material
The truth is a bitter pill
As promises become monotonous rout
In the face of steel cold expectation
Yet , never made real
Assurances ring hollow
As each grain of sand descends
Tick, tick, tick
Ringing like a gong in my brain
Though, in truth, passes in silence
A dream though held dear, yet in vain?
Once more, I’m left wanting… needing…
Believing in the shining contemplation
The image of the fortunate
Drunk on the wine of the amorous soul
Yet, betrayed by my foolish fate
Adrift on the questioning tide
Of Indifference
Each day I wake , pursuing a future
That exists in a flux on ambiguity
Like mists at dawn, fleeting
Ethereal
Unreal
Such is my witness
Each experience, flavorless
Unsubstantiated
Unrequited
Never reciprocated
I exist, survive the onslaught
Of inner demons
As they celebrate my misery
Cheer my pain
As the beauty I pursue seems oblivious
Of my tortured existence
My doubtful gaze
I suffer in silence
With baited breath
And hope against hope
My emotional wounds are self-inflicted
Rather than a Damocles blade
To strike my already broken and battered soul
Shattering a future yet written
A fate left undreamed.
An Original Poem By H.R. Beebe
Forward Toward Dawn
Chasing my dreams
Forbidden themes
Things I shouldn’t desire
Are they beyond my reach?
Conspired against me
They strive to quell the stream
Stop the flow
Force me to quit, to leave
You can’t win. Who are you to have needs?
You can’t succeed
Through the mired planes, I thread forward
By myself, I moved silently
Dark Thoughts forged by darker deeds
Forced to stand even alone
On the path of the truth
Wherever it leads
Never waver, never falter
Toward the finish, I must seek
True wisdom is not in the known
The word or the deed
It’s found in the silence
An the rustle of the leaves
An internal journey
Made just for me
“I don’t know. ” … is the beginning
Of the understanding that I need.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Dying of the Light
Lost in a whirlwind
Adrift in need to heal
To renew
Desire unfulfilled
Can it be again?
Long time dead
Feeling empty
Cold
Left to my solitude
I remain in a status
Of the mundane
I existed
Yet did I live?
I had the semblance
None of the zeal
Flat lined normalcy
I felt nothing
Not love
Not hate
Indifference colored in shades of gray
Craving
Something to fight for
As I tripped the moral coil
I was just present
Like a kid in the back of the classroom
I paid little attention to the stream of days
Years as they wheeled by in cycle
I was alone in myself
I justified my purgatory
As a duty
A commitment
A relationship
Though in truth, it was simply easy
Familiar self abuse
To experience or rather not experience
Anything
Could I justify ambivalence?
My scattered soul?
My lacking realization
I knew true insanity… the insanity of those who simply remain
As time passed I (saw) my worthless plight
In the mirror of my regret
A decade separated from myself
Suffering the nothingness in silent resignation
My illusion, a facade of complacency
Self-imposed isolation
A death nell of a love that never really was
My future the road less traveled
For fear of abandoning dreams
Scattered remnants of hopes that are long desiccated
I took the first step in the wake of a death
A pain spared by the grave
Thanos mercy the cruelest respite
Not to see the devastation
Of the loss
The truth laid bare
The fear unfelt
As the once bright flame
Finally died
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
An Angel of Retribution: Never Trust A Dream
The dawn darkened by the eclipse
As my world fell in down
Everything I had held dear
Lost to the lie of light
Just when I thought she was real
I trusted her light even though I guess
I knew … deep down knew her true nature
Like you know, the dark clouds bring rain
I thought… maybe this time, the sun would shine even as the wind rose I held on
From the false dawn of her appearance
I held on to my belief, like a dry man thinks the mirage is true
I kept reaching out for the illusion of water
Illusion of light as I saw what I thought an angel
Who had saved my black heart in the lowest moment
My darkest time, she appeared
Sweet nectar flowing from her continuance
Beauty radiated from her light
I was taken, a man desperate for a dream
Lost in a decade of meaninglessness
My future just ashes burned up by reality
My hopes sundered by truth in the moment
A cliff to oblivion stretched before my eyes
A lie appeared dressed as a dream
A lie in the form of salvation
Appeared to offer a moments relief
Time ceased to have meaning
I stood in the steel hard rain
Alone in my understanding
Alone in my despair
Resigned to my fate
As a tear escaped my will
She appeared a gold image
A fiery vision of a chance
She whispered, hope
Spoke of desire… spoke of need
An image of an angel
Her secret is a devilish deed
You see the devil is in the details
The lies so close to the truth
The devil was once an angel, too
Desire was a lasso made of gold
She whispered love and caring
As she took her fill gave nothing
But the truth of her betrayal
Narcissistic in her endeavors
Control in her intent
The moment revealed
Demonic actions
Promise changed in an instant to pain
Hope to loss indeed
The sunrise I had been chasing
Was a false dawn seen
As the storm clouds gathered
Hard steel rain intervened
My Savior a villain
My salvation was a pipedream
The lesson taught is
Never trust a
Dream
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Illusion
Lost in my thoughts
Old in years
Young in my mind
Moments living moments
The past is nothing but dreams
Dreams of an instance
That to me just occurred
I live and relive
They just happened to me
An old man a young man
Middle aged it seemed
Time is just an illusion
It’s not real to me
I remember the events
Sequences, places, things
But all of it just happened
Or so it seemed to
Me
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
A California Dream
A question left unanswered
As I see the way you do
Your words hollow as you go another way
I’m left out here hanging … just hanging in space
You see, you want what you want, demand what you need
Know what don’t you see? You dont see Me
An empty seat, I’m not present
A man alone.
Did you need me? Did you care?
Were there others who filled my place there?
Professed love left hanging, empty words
A means to an end
Wanted what you wanted
Im just a means to an end.
It’s funny how I believed
Guess I saw what I wanted to see
In the end, there may be others
To fill the place I wanted to be
Know who won’t be there to be filled with pain to see?
Me.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
The Model’s Gift
Here we go again
Darkness black as night
The things I hoped were real
Was it
Or just a lie?
My hopes my needs
Just shadows in relief
I thought it was love
Or was it just a mirage
fooling me
I hoped I prayed
Lost in my own tale
The truth was more blatant
The actual more real
She said the right things
I stupidly believed
For just a moment
I dared to have dreams
Touched … I felt it
I allowed the moment to be
In that instant It was made real
If only to me
Can I trust again
Could I open and be me
To let her know
The actual me?
It’s always been bad
To show them the truth
To step to the light
To let it be
Seen
The shield lowered
If only for a chance
But when it all came in focus
It was more darkness
It made no sense
Empty promises
Golden words lined with tin
Stolen chances
Pain
Again
In the end
What was left ?
Broken promises
And one standing alone
Me
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Mirror Images: Real Consequences
I see the darkness
Though they call it light
The chaos is touted as order
People starving as they claim
Prosperity
As the lies mount
Deaths are praised as great
While leaders depopulate
Lost the truth in the moment
As the false is used as the shield
Hiding the loss
Countries invaded are called progress
As the government shout in joy
The children are taken with a voice
In silence, the women cry
Their freedom sacrificed on the alter
In progress
A wonderland encounter
The insane controlling the asylum
Up is down, men are not men
Day is night
With the only thing real
Is yourself
And your freedom
There all that’s left
A shadow
And their
Lies
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
