Triple heart the wonder felt
Love actual , all at once
Alone , but not lonely
They kept on coming
Day and night, I was by myself
Yet they wanted me , stalked my
Electronic soul
They came , though I didn’t even know
Their names in the beginning
I met the first, just words on a screen
I fell in love with my imagination
And , an old phorograph
Though we had never met or talked directly
She told me she wanted me but craved
A daddy, lost in her past
Another , who needed a new life, a chance
To forget .. her past , her pain
A soul who was on fire faced the world
She was strong, but alone in herself
A woman who was chased by death
Yet, craved life
So many reasons, so many chances
So many dreams undrempt
Lifetimes of unfulfilled aspirations
Regrets and pain no joy had
Lost denizens of choices made wrong
Travelers searching for redemption
Hoping for renewal, seeking the elusive
Heart and ultimate love
From emptiness to abundance from anguish
To peace, they all come seeking forgiveness
For actions, they had no answer to
And reasons that could not be understood or
Undone
Time marched on , leaving my soul longing
For reconciliation, for desire , for them all
In silent tones, pondered , my weary mind
As each a fallen angel, yet a path of promise
As they grasp for their salvation in my eyes
Made anew in my arms, given solace in my
Touch
All needed peace in a warm embrace
All needed the security of a sure commitment
As they reach for my spirit, promising light
Promising physicality, promising sincerity
Of a loyal partner and a sure friend
As they fought, the rising flood of uncertainty
To gain the one prize , that was the greatest gift that had eluded them all
Home
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Electric Love
Baby, I’m lost
Crying into the dark
Why can’t you see me?
You say you love me
But can you actually care
You swear you want me
You swear you need me
But, will you actually..do you …are you really there?
I keep trying… keep giving
And you take it all
Where is the helping hand
Where is the reciprocating heart?
I keep hoping, begging for a sign
That you need more than my things
That money isn’t all that you crave
That my soul is what you really need..
You found me there in the darkness
Like a midnight star , showing the way
In my lowest time , you were my buoy
You kept me alive, in the turbulent time
You saved me and didn’t even know it
A breath of air, to a gasping man
Who didn’t even know how far gone he was
To you, it was just a encounter, I just a guy
To me, you were a godsend, an angel in the night
I keep holding on, wanting it to be true, right
We have gone through your indifference
Fought through your petty heart
Your jaded soul, you grew beyond your years
To where we are now, on the knifes edge
Each day, will we survive it?
It’s anyone’s guess
But, I keep holding on to the memory
Of the moment we met. Of the sweetness of
the love felt, of your light
Indifference, the compliancy of a love assumed
As you demand attention, gratification of a relationship without actual touch, kiss or voice
I have never been in love with words on a screen
Or an image in my head
You exist in a photo, an idea
An online lover, an electronic obsession
I can’t let go. You haunt my dreams
I have never loved more than I love right now
Yet, are you real at all?
Or will you just disappear like
Dust in a breeze
Leaving nothing but a memory, an image
and a broken heart ..
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
A Fearful Fate
The rain keeps coming in waves
Of chill and desolate tones
Darkness keeps coming back
Though I chase the clear day
Lightning strikes keep coming
Each time, I think I’m free
It reverberates back to me
Leaving me cold inside
I’m left shocked, each iteration
As the dark clouds keep gathering
No matter how much I crave the
Peaceful sky
I’m left shell-shocked
Cold and feeling disjointed
Each time the rain comes
I’m left a little more dead inside
Standing there wondering
Will it ever pass?
Craving the warmth of the sun
Yet, in that moment, empty
And alone
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Seeking Eve
In Twilight wonder
The faded brilliance left
Me wanting, needing
Something, anything
To fill the void , mitigate
The shadows dwelling in
My sundered existence
Memories of the light
Haunting me, pulling me
Driving me to seek solace
In the walled off places
Hidden in my soul
I chased the spark here and there
Knowing full well the futility of it
As time has taught me the rarity
Of the dawn, once witnessed is unmistakable
Imitation and illusion is not a replacement
It becomes a prison of repetition
A duplication of failure
As I grasp at the real, reach toward the perception
Chase the dream, my mind concocted
As my memory tries in repetitious fashion
To duplicate my experience
To recreate the wonder of it all
To bear witness to the spectacle
The peace that took me as the dawn broke
To purify my tortured journey
Give it purpose, meaning
I traveled long and arduous roads searching
For any place or thing to remind me of that
Moment of Awe, that defined the reason
For standing in the darkness
For being punished for my audacity
To believe I was worthy of the blessing
Of clarity, of being juxtaposed from
A shadowed sub existence to
Having my deepest desire fulfilled
Oh, I have tread this path before to be sure
Even transcended to the light
But , without purpose, without meaning
To give understanding to the moment
It was wasted on a man blinded by ignorance
Stifled by the greed of a miserable past
It prevented the connection to true illumination
Left me empty inside, cold, alone
Each false dawn stole my resolve
Each time the light was taken from me
Destroyed a piece of my spirit until
I was convinced the darkness was all there was
I chased the morning with a longing I can’t readily explain
It has been expressed as brilliance as an awakening
Even a rebirth of sorts, granting new beginnings
However, until you stand witness to it
There are no words to describe
The feeling of the desolation drained
Of the spectacle of sheer joy
You encounter as the loneliness fades
The shadows are banished
Your eyes opened to the wonderous gift
Of the coming dawn
This is what it means to know unconditional love.
This is the actual experience of life.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
The Disrespectful Blow
Standing in darkness
Cause I’ve lost the light
Fell from the pinnacle
It’s gone from my sight
Where I started full of love
It’s gone now, decimated
Torn away the hope
Dead the dream of life
Nothing is left, just sack clothe
Sitting on the ground in lament
How could it be all gone
Everything I knew in the end
Not a stick left standing
It’s all dead to my eyes
My life, my baby, my marriage
Fell away in quick succession
I didn’t see it the on the horizon
The storm that was to nie
Like Job I’m left wondering
Where did I go wrong
Was it my countenance
My drive or my lack of time
Did my black heart move forward
The eventual pain and strife
I’ve gone over time and again
Trying to see the moment it changed
The moment my resolve departed
And shredded my original way
It all came unraveled, a piece at a time
My morals departed, all gone
There I was alone again in my own head
Wondering what happened, was there anything I could have said
A man without a home, lost in familiar land
Left to stave and thirst, tortured by my own hand
I craved to be needed, to be loved
But, feeling the longing like a hole in the sand
Devoid of my confidence, a man adrift in my time
Aware that the executioners face under the mask was mine
In the blackness, I felt it there my real sin
The sin of not caring, the lack of empathy not for others
But for myself, I chose to face the empty meanlessness
That was the end of the decision I made
This hell was one of my own design
The devil who came and with him the intentional pain
Was a manifestation of the loss I felt self inflicted
After so long I had become dead inside
Empty of anything real
Just going through the motions
Of an illusion created left on my knees I kneeled
I found in the end it was I who blew up the facade
Burned it to the ground until the ashes were lifted in the wind
To try and feel something, any semblance of the the thing called … life
As stood there in the absence of light
With the weight of it all upon my mind
I knew it had to happen
It was a fate I was destined
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Question Tomorrow
Moments of loss is where you found me
In the darkness with shadows all around
You called out to my pain
Promising a moment
Of peace
Though the light shown through the dimness
We connected in those moments
We shared a common heart
A common experience
A union of souls
With time, we bonded
Saw the chance of the future
To share the solace of closeness
The promise of unity
Time , an ever-present enemy
Plotted against the prize
To shear away the dream
Separate the reality from the expectation
Words more words, though, never
Actions, as the present lied
To the future, and the past faded
From view, leaving emptiness
It’s only a result. A byproduct of indifference
Where is the purpose
Where is the hope
Lost in moments spent
Alone
When did the darkness return?
Secrets, like cold drops of acid
Burning away the connections
Threats tearing away the dreams
Stumbling blocks placed in the way
Mere objects, money came to block
Promise, as trust was seared away
Chance, or was it predetermined?
Can love endure? Even unconditionally given? Can caring survive contempt?
When loyalty is offered up as a sacrifice for
personal desire?
Is the broken heart ultimately inevitable ?
When we are told what is coming, should we just accept what we are told? What we are shown.
Is that the point where we must just let go?
What about the promise?
What about the dream?
Are we destined for the pain?
What about our past together?
Have we reached a crossroads of fate?
Can we survive this present where you ask without giving, expect without question?
Do you never wonder if maybe you are wrong?
Question your own motives? Wonder if your viewpoint could have been reached in error?
Will love endure?
Will our dream endure?
Will our relationship endure?
When you act, do you ever
Question tomorrow?
Conflict of the Inner life
Too tired to care
Nodding, I stare
Blankly
Trying remember
Why,
Why I continue
Why I believe
Why I love
An illusion of
Feeling
Caring, and not
A thought is all
That motivates
What I should be
How I should waste
A life, as if I
Was part of it
Yet only pretending
Going though the
Motions
I struggle with the
Truth, as I sit here
Trying to live the
Life I was taught
Be the husband
Be the father
As I contemplate
My role
Truth, is I don’t
Know
Who I really am
Though. I am supposed
To feel love
Sometimes, I feel
Nothing
Sad, caught up in
A real life drama
Of societal placement
A belief
Formed my understanding
As I move from day to day
An anachronism of
Another century
Left to live out
My role
Even if I don’t really
Understand my implication
That I feel nothingness
My soul struggles
To withstand the
Onslaught of
A day … A day
That continues.
And with it confusion
Boredom
And the nothingness
That is
That day..and again..
And
Again….and
Again……
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
I Watch It Pass
The window shows the scene, a freedom
if you are willing to take it
And, yet most will look on as they sit wishing
their lives away and never experiencing it
So as the view changes, so changes their desire
It leads to sleepless nights, and restless days
At the thought, of the future, the old worries
arise, lost in a past that has worn out it’s welcome
Each sleepless night, I pay homage to the past
As the world changes outside my window
But, I never do…
A Original Poem By H.R Beebe
A Question of Fate
I am in the shadows
A war in my presence
Enemies unseen
I slipped their attempts
I try to stay aware
Yet, I am a target
Death, a presence
Ever close, waiting
Some how, I am still here
I have an angel, watching
Even as the worse events
play out
The end, appears close
Yet, I hear a voice saying
“Wait…endure….”
Even as my world is destroyed
Endure, as everything is taken
And, is gone…
I watch as the smoke ascents
Nothing left , just ashes and
Smoke..
In sack cloth, with ashes on my head
Repenting my life, and the moment
of my conception
I endured in my misery
And, then the light came… first
a beam then two angels to lift
me out of my sorrow
They spoke of forgiveness
They spoke of a new covenant
All that was, I will be blessed
with again
Not one life that was taken in
vain
Though, I knew their words were
true
As they took their leave of me
Still, I felt the pain
Of being
Human
Lost In The Moment
Like a word cursed in anger
My life was ripped away…
Like a jilted lover.. I was thrust
Into the street..uncertain of tomorrow
Today, is already happening
Nothing certain, my love torn from me
And.. there I stood.. for the first time in a while
A transient, in my own skin…
Punctuated, with a cold rain..
I was sure that, my future is being written
The endgame now stood in stark relief
Of a otherwise predictable existence
Each day, each moment..unknown..
I conducted each moment.. from that point
A step at a time, a blind man..in a mine field
Each step, a small victory.. or a mind blowing defeat..
Lost in that moment..all others unimportant
If I survive that next step..it is a unbelievable victory..
All the time aware..
I am standing on a knives edge
Failure could be just a step away
All I have left for certain is..
This moment..
A Original Poem Written By H.R. Beebe
