Standing in darkness
Cause I’ve lost the light
Fell from the pinnacle
It’s gone from my sight
Where I started full of love
It’s gone now, decimated
Torn away the hope
Dead the dream of life
Nothing is left, just sack clothe
Sitting on the ground in lament
How could it be all gone
Everything I knew in the end
Not a stick left standing
It’s all dead to my eyes
My life, my baby, my marriage
Fell away in quick succession
I didn’t see it the on the horizon
The storm that was to nie
Like Job I’m left wondering
Where did I go wrong
Was it my countenance
My drive or my lack of time
Did my black heart move forward
The eventual pain and strife
I’ve gone over time and again
Trying to see the moment it changed
The moment my resolve departed
And shredded my original way
It all came unraveled, a piece at a time
My morals departed, all gone
There I was alone again in my own head
Wondering what happened, was there anything I could have said
A man without a home, lost in familiar land
Left to stave and thirst, tortured by my own hand
I craved to be needed, to be loved
But, feeling the longing like a hole in the sand
Devoid of my confidence, a man adrift in my time
Aware that the executioners face under the mask was mine
In the blackness, I felt it there my real sin
The sin of not caring, the lack of empathy not for others
But for myself, I chose to face the empty meanlessness
That was the end of the decision I made
This hell was one of my own design
The devil who came and with him the intentional pain
Was a manifestation of the loss I felt self inflicted
After so long I had become dead inside
Empty of anything real
Just going through the motions
Of an illusion created left on my knees I kneeled
I found in the end it was I who blew up the facade
Burned it to the ground until the ashes were lifted in the wind
To try and feel something, any semblance of the the thing called … life
As stood there in the absence of light
With the weight of it all upon my mind
I knew it had to happen
It was a fate I was destined
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Anything For Love
Lost in the moment
I’m not sure who I am
Where I’m going
Stuck between worlds
Between Loves
Each a foreign land
Each one an expression
Frozen in time
Can’t let the moment go
Cant be free in my mind
Lost in the moment
I’m not sure who I am
Where I’m going
Stuck between worlds
Between Loves
Each a foreign land
I know it’s wrong but
Each feeling ls a void
A hole in my soul
That needed a hand
I revile in the joy of it all
Each face, each verbal caress
All summed up in a fullness
I can’t readily express
The darkness has risen
From my continence
The light shined on me
A solace for my tortured mind
Pondering the inevitable
Crash after soaring to those
Lofty heights, fallen expectations
Of a future of promise… now loss
Yet torn asunder by fate
Each moment ticked by
With dread anticipation
Of the reckoning to come
When the truth a rogue power
Will signify the clarity
Hidden by my selfish fear
That to let go would bring loneliness
Again
Moral dilemma, immoral choice
Four souls held tight, their unknowing
A mirror to reflect true emotion to avoid
The dark illusion of a relationship, a bond
Divided, separated in pieces
Hearts
Each fragile like glass, a moment of Impropriety could shatter it all
A clarity would force an action
To remove the peace, to remove the
Calm assurance that if you lose one
More remain, spirits of night
Made plain in the coming dawn
Until the hard truth will be all that remains
Stark, empty, loneliness
And the pain. Broken you earn your own reality.
Forced to release them all in a wave of grief. Of knowing, I can’t avoid the coming
Storm
The tempest of my own soul
Torn asunder by the act
Of acknowledging I am the cause
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Conflict of the Inner life
Too tired to care
Nodding, I stare
Blankly
Trying remember
Why,
Why I continue
Why I believe
Why I love
An illusion of
Feeling
Caring, and not
A thought is all
That motivates
What I should be
How I should waste
A life, as if I
Was part of it
Yet only pretending
Going though the
Motions
I struggle with the
Truth, as I sit here
Trying to live the
Life I was taught
Be the husband
Be the father
As I contemplate
My role
Truth, is I don’t
Know
Who I really am
Though. I am supposed
To feel love
Sometimes, I feel
Nothing
Sad, caught up in
A real life drama
Of societal placement
A belief
Formed my understanding
As I move from day to day
An anachronism of
Another century
Left to live out
My role
Even if I don’t really
Understand my implication
That I feel nothingness
My soul struggles
To withstand the
Onslaught of
A day … A day
That continues.
And with it confusion
Boredom
And the nothingness
That is
That day..and again..
And
Again….and
Again……
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
The Mirror Of The Real
Defined by your reality
Justified by your friends
Vilified by your enemies
You are part of a reality
Sins, of the days
Carry us into the darkness
Convinced, you are just fulfilling
Your life’s path, as you continue
Your image, distorted as it is
In the mirror of your own morality
Thinking, this is what mortality
Has to offer, darkness
As you walk the path of delusion
Thinking as you do, that you are
The first, to pass this way
The sense of selfish righteousness
The older you get, you either
Become aware of the fools path
You have walked, and fight for the , light
Or the dark takes you , as you become
Nothing
Just a pile of dust, and dry bones
Forgotten, pictures that crumble
Just as their subject did
In the end…forgotten
As they turn to dust, and
Are
Gone.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
The Truth And The Darkness
Have you ever thought about
all that you have learned?
Where you have gone
Where you have come
Did you realize the truth
Have you learned it yet?
In the last moment will
you admit the waste?
Will it be your final error?
Nothing you got from school
Nothing heard on TV or radio
mattered..
You have a daily chance
To think outside this box
Or you can wait for the culling
Like all the rest, lost in the delusion
You exist, but just barely, a ghost that
Will fade in fifty or a hundred years
You will be gone, like you never were
A path of nothingness, lost in the abyss
A slave to the lie, a shadow in the end
When, the earth takes you back, recycled
That is the path of the slave without chains
Their lies blinded you, their paper controlled
you,
The system, owned you with empty promises,
And, emptier dreams
Either open your eyes, and see the truth
Or, follow the brainwashed masses
Controlled by the lie, stay in line
With the falsehood being the real chains
That bound you.
An Original Poem by H.R. Beebe
Just Have To Let Go Sometimes
I left my pain on the side of a dusty road
As I walked on a highway… carrying my
Life on my back , some dirty clothes and old memories scatter in amongst the few possessions.
As I walked, I shed all I thought I held dear
A piece at a time, the snow began to fall as the sun set on the path I choose.
Was it all a facade? Did I live a lie? Or maybe I just fooled myself, into believing I belonged.
Sometimes, you have to let go, and take another path, leaving the memories scattered
on the floor for someone else to remember.
As I walked , my feet got wet in my boots, my eyes got wet too taking a last look at my lies, things I made my heart hold till it finally banished the past a thought at a time.
Ahead of me lay uncertainty, a blank slated
The fates rolled their dice, regardless what
comes, I would rather face that, and face a thousand new situations being truthful with myself than living a fool’s life in control of nothing.
A cold wind blew as stuck my thumb out as a car slowed, just ahead stopping to offer me a ride , I smiled as I ran toward a new adventure, and a new life.
The snow continued.
An Original Poem By H.R. Beebe
